Lost In My Mind
by Summersetlights
Summary: "Did you erase me from your memory? Did you ever love me at all?" With that statement, Eli walks away.


**_Disclaimer: I don't own degrassi._**

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><p>Eli faced the wall as his past lover yelled at him.<p>

He felt his fists clench and his lips pulled into a grimace. And he could feel his heart rip and tear, until nothing was left. And he couldn't help but feel angry that this was how they ended up. They ended up as angry children, lost in the bitter world of angst and depression. The relationship that he and Clare had depended on was now scarred and bruised and neither knew how to fix it. They were just children that had been caught up and picked up by a faceless monster, and they didn't know how to be put down. And they both felt weak and tired, aching in the bone. But, this was their world now. And Elijah Goldsworthy was almost afraid that this would continue to be their world.

And at the thought of that, he walked out. At the thought of forever being a lost child in the cold dark world, he walked out. It was the only thing that he could do. The only fucking thing. So, in numbness, he left behind the girl who continued to yell at him.

_"Did you erase me from your memory? Did you ever love me at all?"_

Oh, Clare Edwards. You have no idea.

And he left behind the girl who was his date, the one who wasn't _her_. And unfortunately, she never would be.

_"Eli! Come back! We're on our date!"_

He couldn't come back. He could never come back.

Especially to her.

Once outside, the boy squinted his eyes and groaned at the rain. He and Imogen had walked, because they were both car-less. The weather had been nice, and now, Eli wasn't sure what happened. Walking in the rain, Eli ducked his head and squeezed his eyes shut. It was too much. He didn't know how to fix this, to fix himself. Just like after Julia's death, he found that he was settling deep into himself. Deep into the black abyss that lead nowhere. Simply nowhere.

Except hell.

Possibly.

He didn't know.

He knew that he was running away. He knew it and part of him hated that he was. He was supposed to be Elijah Goldsworthy: The Intimidating Fucker. But instead, he was Elijah Goldsworthy: The child who gets intimidated by Clare Edwards; the Saint. Though, what could you expect? The girl had a hold on him. A strong grip that left him begging for air. And she didn't even know it.

The rain hit the back of his neck and rolled down his back, sending chills through his spine.

Chills. Nothing but chills.

"Eli! Eli! Stop!"

Eli felt his heart pound and stutter, preparing to jump out of his chest. It was her. The one that made him a child instead of an intimidating fucker. Oh, fuck. It was Clare Edwards. The one who had him. Who had him and wouldn't let go.

Eli walked faster, trying to think of what he could do. What if he just ran? No. That would just prove that he was intimidated by her. He could simply ignore her. No. He could never ignore Clare Edwards. Never.

"Eli! Please! Turn around, come on!"

And with that, Eli whipped around, tears streaming down his face. With every fiber in his body he roared, "What?" His voice echoed throughout the rain.

Clare came to complete stop in front of him. "I just wanted to talk to you." She whispers.

"I'm sorry, but who are you?" Eli asks bitterly, referring to what she said in Little Miss Steaks. Clare gave him an apologetic glance.

"I didn't mean that, I'm sorry. I just...when I saw you with her...I just got angry, I guess." She mutters, looking down at her feet.

"I hate you."

"I know."

Clare moved closer to him, and already, Eli could barely think. Her lovely lavender scent was clogging up his brain. And she continued to step closer, wrapping her hand around his own.

"You ruined everything! You-you- you ruined it. Everything. I hate you." Eli mutters, but really, in all actuality, he loved her with every fiber of his being. And if being honest, he's not sure what she ruined. He just can't talk with her so close.

"I know." And if fact, she knew that he truly didn't mean that. And he hated how she knew that.

He hated that she knew, but he didn't hate her.

He couldn't hate her.

"I'm going to kiss you." She says quietly, looking into his eyes to make sure that it was alright. Of course it was alright. Fuck, it was more than alright to Elijah Goldsworthy.

And with the rain pouring on their exposed skin, their lips connected. Every drop of water that came down on them was like fresh air; it fueled them. And Eli could feel himself become the intimidating fucker that he truly was. He wasn't a child. He was a man who loved a woman with everything in him. He loved her toes to her face, her laugh to her tears, her hate to her love, he just loved her. And sure, they were both lost in the world that was foreign and scary, but Eli found that with her lips on his, he could fight off the wicked demons that threatened to overtake him.

With their teeth clanking together and their hands gripping every part of each other's body they could find, they both knew that things would never be the same again. And they liked that. They needed that.

Pulling back, both gasping, Eli whispers, "I love you."

"I know."

It was a simple answer, but it meant the world.

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><p><strong><em>Review, please? ;) Tell me your thoughts!<em>**


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